i'm up at 4.43 am. Staring at where i have started before.

Reflection has brought my life back on track. It seems that most things pass pretty easily and that works count for nothing, unless they have an impact.

I really miss the holidays, nothing just the June one, but the Post O level holidays as well. The carefree lifestyle was much more desirable, and the jobs that came with it is so much easier than A levels.

But at this point of time, after a long conversation with Dorra, Iwanna touch on a few issues.

Firstly, the idea of denial.

Denial is a very tough aspect of the Human Condition to put a finger on. It can be seen as an escape route, or an enclosure. Both of these definitions are similar. They provide an alternative to reality. Many a times, almost everyone, including myself, employs some form of denial. Some call it "the silver lining" or "the optimisitic view". I believe that the best form of interpretation of denial is the type employed by lovers; the idea that things are never what they seem to be.

Of course, in many instances, things are never what they seem to be. Which then raises a problem. WHY ARE THINGS EVER WHAT THEY SEEM TO BE? This probably can be attributed to the ego of each person, that causes the true feelings of each individual not to be expressed fully. This in turn, causes the perception of the situation to be either blurred or full of holes. This flawed perception is then taken as the platform by lovers to work with, resulting in flawed results. HOWEVER, after the initial stage of flawed results, the true feelings of each individual then surfaces and things become better, at the very essential core.

Therefore, it is important be be clear about assumptions and arguments from the start. So that each perception can be as clear as it can be.

Back to denial, denial is employed by a whole range of people, everyone employs denial once in a while. However, upon close reflection, denial disintegrates, and the core essence of each person is revealed, where every thing is simple and satisfiable. Questions like, ":why am i doing this?","what will i get out of it?","is the result what i want?" helps to reveal the core essence of each person.




My own life experience has allowed me to see that actually, i have been living in Denial, i fully know what i am doing is not what i want, and the results obviously flawed. Yet, i indulge in everything of that sort.


I'm tired. Continue next time.